Coming Home: The Reunion

Sooooooo......

Have I kept you hanging too long?? Gosh I feel like Chris Harrison about to host an episode of "The Women Tell All"  HAHAHA! Ok don't get your hopes up...it's not THAT dramatic:) 

......but either way......here goes nothing;).....

So I sat down on my first flight to Detroit, my stomach was in a total knot (partially because I had only three bites of a dry english muffin for breakfast that morning and mostly because my life was about to be turned upside down)  and I remember wanting to do nothing more than to curl up in a ball and pause time until I could process what was happening. 

Yea like that would EVER happen. 

Instead, I had to act like a totally composed adult, casually buckling in, glancing out the window, staring across the isle, checking the phone.......minus the checking the phone part......while inwardly I was starting to shut down. I was starting....just starting....to decide that for the next hour flight I would deal with the stress, strain, butterflies, confusion, 90mph-brain-processing, emotional rollercoaster, companion separation anxiety, nervousness, overwhelm, etc. by going into my comfort zone and shutting out the world around me by reading the scriptures, praying A TON, writing in my journal A TON, thinking A TON, and not talking to ANYONE. 

(((((BUBBLE MODE)))))

YES. I just wanted to be in my own bubble and deal with all the emotional chaos going in inside me by doing all the good things I knew how to do. Seemed like a good idea, right??

WRONG.

Just when I thought I'd figured out how to solve my stress-case of a self....the spirit spoke clearly to my mind, reminding me of a prompting I had received about a week prior in a mission meeting: "Sister Parker, IT ISN'T OVER TILL IT'S OVER. If you want to solve all these feelings you're feeling......if you want to cure your stress, your anxiety, your worry, your sadness, your sorrow, your uncertainty, your doubt, your nervousness.....do what you've been called to do. You've been called to share the gospel!! That calling never ends! Open your mouth! Use every minute you've been given! Until the last moment when you have to take that tag off, PROCLAIM. MY. GOSPEL!"

YES, I am sitting here, writing this post, with tears streaming down my face, remembering this moment!! AH!! It still gives me chills!! 

That prompting....that simple, sweet, yet EMPOWERING prompting breathed new air into me. I filled me with such incredible peace and hope. It calmed my fears about the future and assurance that my role as a missionary was ongoing. I was still hesitant, but I felt the strength of that witness and THAT was undeniable. It wasn't comfortable at first. I still wanted to curl up into my seat and cope with my problems solo style, but He knew me better than I knew myself so I trusted Him. 

I determined right then and there, to share the gospel with whoever I could on that flight. I even remember thinking, "45 min, huh....yep....well...Preach My Gospel says a lesson should rarely go over 45 minutes......PERFECT." hahaha! I know.....what a dork:) lol

Ok so here comes the drama.....

I no sooner committed to that prompting then I looked up, and saw an attractive tall dark and handsome guy (we're talking deep brown eyes, just-right Adam Levine scruff, and thick wavy hair kind of handsome) coming down the isle...

***OK PAUSE***

CLARIFICATION:  It's a well-known fact that being a missionary and trying to share the gospel with someone your same age of the opposite gender especially if they're even relatively attractive is for some reason ALWAYS RIDICULOUSLY harder than it should be. DON'T ASK. 

The Lord WOULD give me one of those "talk to everyone" kinda tests right after I committed to keep on preachin' till the end, now wouldn't He:) 

And of course....as SOON as I saw this guy....I got one of those "he's the one" feelings.......NO not one of THOSE feelings, girls:) the OTHER one of those feelings....like the ones that missionaries get when they see the "ones" that their suppose to talk to;)

Gosh.....who do you think I am??:) hahaha! JK:)

Sure enough......he comes right over....checks the seat markers above the window and says, "Looks like we're sitting together!" And......that's how it all began. Before we'd even taken off, we'd established that he was traveling to NYC to visit his brother, but that they were both originally from Peru (gotta love them guys with accents:) , didn't grow up in a specific religion, but that they were raised by "spiritual parents." By the end of the flight, we'd had a lengthy conversation about the Plan of Salvation, read from Alma 40, Moroni 8, 2 Nephi 31, exchanged contact information, discussed multiple church pamphlets and he agreed to have a Book of Mormon delivered to him, and said he wanted me to send him "lots more on the path for happiness thing over email.....like links and stuff." I can think of a website or two that could help with that:)

In return, he even helped me get on board my next flight that had been redirected. 

What a gentleman:)

By the time I got onto my next flight to New Hampshire, I realized just how completely happy I was. My previous feelings of anxiety, sadness, and even fatigue were completely gone. I was content, filled with energy, and enlivened knowing that I was still fully engaged in the work of the Lord. I sat down in my seat and waited, feeling like a kid on christmas morning waiting for my next "present" to come sit down next to me:)

Turns out, I couldn't have asked for a better seat mate. Sean and I talked the entire 2 hour flight!! We talked sports, his life in the military, his work, school, family, his growing up years in CHICAGO (coincidence?? i think not:), his hobbies, my mission, his world travels, foreign affairs, and then of course, it all came down to our common interest in religion. I'm pretty sure I had my Book of Mormon cracked out before the first half hour was up and we were talking about his kids, how we could help them through the stories found in the Book of Mormon, and what it was that meant the most to him in this life. 

I found myself on that loud, noisy, nauseating flight, feeling a rush of the spirit as Sean opened up to me about the struggles he's facing and the questions he has in regards to families, religion, and his search for more spiritual knowledge. With my testimony just BURNING in my heart, I was able to open the pages of the Book of Mormon--a book I have come to love with all my heart--and I was able to answer those questions, to bless his life, and to give him direction and in some small way perhaps some of the peace that he was looking for. 

Sean and I kept talking for the rest of the flight until about fifteen minutes before we were about to land. We'd discussed quite a few topics and I'd let him sorta guide the conversation and we'd been all over in the scriptures as I'd tried my best to answer his questions one after the other using passages from the Book of Mormon. 

>>>>And then came the PROMPTING of all PROMPTINGS<<<<<

"INVITE HIM TO YOUR HOME FOR DINNER"

I DISTINCTLY remember getting that prompting, glancing out the window, smiling to myself, and thinking, "Oh, Mom is going to love this one" but inwardly I knew that it was exactly what needed to happen and I couldn't wait to ask him! (plus I knew my rockstar-of-a-member-missionary-mom well enough to know that she'd catch onto the idea fast enough:) 

YES, I know it sounds UBER sketchy and YES, I DON'T recommend EVER doing it unless the spirit directs you to do it, but I can't tell you how excited I was for the spirit to give me this chance of a LIFETIME!!!! 

Sure enough, Sean readily accepted and I was GIDDY with excitement to introduce my newest investigator to my family as I walked off that plane!! Not every missionary gets to do THAT!! And it was INCREDIBLE!! 

OK.....so bear with me as I try to describe what it's like to come down that escalator and into the arms of family after 18 long months of being away from them. I first saw them huddled together holding signs and balloons and a just remember feeling happy and numb and almost like it was a dream. 

It didn't really hit me until I really saw my mom running towards me and then when she wrapped me in a hug......all those tears....all those tears I'd cried, wanted to cry, waited to cry.....I cried in her arms and it felt SO good. 

There really is NOTHING like hugging your mom. Especially after being away for 18 months. That's a hug I envisioned in my mind over and over and over again in my mind for the past year and a half and it was every bit as sweet and beautiful and amazing as I knew it would be!! Gosh....it's making me bawl here all over again just thinking about it!! hahaha!

Dad came running in late, because he had to park the car, and AS SOON as I saw him running through that terminal, I couldn't run fast enough to wrap my arms around his neck!! Gosh...there I go again.....crying over my laptop like it was a grave!! haha! Man, those moments will forever be the sweetest!! You can't replace reunions like that! A daddy and his daughter being reunited after a full-time mission!!

And then, of course, I hugged every sibling, cried hugging each one, cried more, laughed more, and then I introduced SEAN to them!!! And right then and there, I proposed the idea of bringing him home:) 

Hope you're glad to have me back, family:) hahaha! 

And I shouldn't have been surprised AT ALL when my parents both jumped right on the idea, and said, "Well if you don't have plans for lunch, why don't you just come home for lunch with us right now? And if you have more time later when you're in NH you can come again for dinner?"

Yea, basically I have the coolest member missionary family EVER.

Soooooo.....we loaded up into our MASSIVE 15-passenger van (gotta live it...gotta love it...this is home:) ......while Sean hopped in his rental car and followed us home....just like that:). Once we were home we enjoyed a meal together and then we had an AMAZING gospel discussion with Sean that eventually lead to an opportunity for me to teach the Restoration lesson one last time as a full-time missionary. 

I can't even express what that meant to me. To be able to teach that lesson--that lesson that I've taught SO many times--but that has SUCH a place in my heart, in the presence of my family, with someone that I just met, because I had the courage to endure to the end, to follow a prompting, and to finish strong, and to do the work I was given to do......AH!!! That is an experience--a blessing--I will FOREVER be grateful that the Lord gave me!! 

Sean eventually agreed to have a Book of Mormon delivered to him at his home in Indiana and I found out just yesterday that it's been officially delivered to him! He and I are still in close contact and we have discussion about gospel principles often. My Dad also gave him a For the Strength of Youth Pamphlet before he left our house that day and he and his wife are now using it to help their kids. I truly believe this is the beginning of something miraculous for Sean. Whether or not that's conversion, I believe that Sean's life will forever be changed because of that short flight from Detroit to New Hampshire. 

Open your mouth. Share the Gospel. Follow Promptings. Get out of your comfort zone. 

IT's NOT OVER TILL IT'S OVER!!!

We're all called to this work and it's for LIFE!!! 

........Coming up next........

> Removing the tag (my poor laptop's gonna get a watering) 

> What I Wish I Would've Known Before Coming Home (if any of you want to submit specific questions i can answer those here as well if that's helpful.....mom's of soon-to-be-RM's that includes you too:)

> The Home Coming Talk

The first hug 

excuse my face.....idk what it's doing:) hahah

REUNITED<3

The guy i brought home... SEAN!! :) 

This Last Chapter

Well, here it is:

My last post as a full-time missionary.

Yea, it makes my heart flop too.  It doesn’t feel real. This is my life. Being a missionary is who I’ve become, and I’m about to have to leave it all behind. It nearly breaks my heart to think of taking the tag off. It’s become the best accessory I’ve ever invested in. And….call it cheesy….but the names on that tag--Jesus Christ, and Sister Parker--aren’t just written there….they’re written on my heart now.

Despite having to take that name tag off, I’d like to think that deep down, I’ll always be Sister Parker. Though, I’ll never be called that again as a full-time missionary, I hope to forever be called a disciple of Christ….and that automatically makes me a missionary….FOR LIFE.

And that’s fine by me:)

I can’t even begin to describe what my mission has taught me. I'm finding it impossible to even begin. How can I describe, summarize, or whatever you want to call it...the past most influential, difficult, worthwhile, and miraculous 18 months of my life. How will I ever be able to fully express what my mission has taught me, how it has shaped me and formed me into the person I am today, and how it has opened my eyes, brought me closer to my Savior than I have ever been before?

My mind is SO filled with thoughts, memories, and experiences that I've had over the last year and a half, and I don't even know where to start. Describe my mission? I honestly don't think that's possible. I feel like I've been on a journey with my Savior that only He and I will ever fully understand.

So here's what I hope to do. I hope to put down at least some of all the thoughts going through my mind the closer and closer my return home comes. I hope to say, in some part, what is in my heart and mind, and to adequately describe how I feel now that this journey and chapter of my life comes to a close.

So what have I learned??

1. The Atonement is real. It is oh, SO real. It has been the ONLY thing that has carried me through these most difficult 18 months of my life. Ultimately, there was no one and nothing that could consistently help me and lift me through the times of depression, discouragement, homesickness, illness, pain, sorrow, confusion, and darkness....than my Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Atonement. It heals ALL pain. ALL pain. I have come to know my Savior on a COMPLETELY new and different level than I've ever known before. I knew the Atonement was real and powerful before my mission, but like Elder Holland said, "How could we possibly bear any moving lasting testimony of the Atonement, if we’ve never known or felt anything of such an experience? As missionaries...you must be prepared to walk something of the path He walked. To feel something a little of the pain he felt. To at least occasionally sometime during your mission shed one of the tears of sorrow that He shed."

While I did not appreciate or even realize it in the moment, I am now fully aware and in fact, I am grateful that I shed those tears of sorrow. I DID shed them. Many of them, in fact. But I can honestly say now, that I'm grateful that my mission was not easy. I still sometimes look at other missionaries who are "loving every minute" of their missions and who say that it has been the "best two years" of their life, and I wonder, "Why me? Why has my mission been so hard? Why did I have to experience trials like this that pushed me to my very breaking point again and again? Why did this have to be so hard for me, when others seem to have it so easy?"

Now, however, as I look back on my mission, I have realized that that was my token. That was the price I had to pay to be who I am today. That was the price I paid to know my Savior the way that I do now. And NO price will ever be too high to know Him. It has been worth it. I don't know that I could ever do it again, but if He were to require it in order to help me become the person I am meant to become....then I would do it again. In His strength, and with the power of the Atonement (which I now know in part the infinite magnitude of)....I would do it.

I see the difficulty of my mission, sometimes, like a workout (yea, no surprises there that that’s where my mind goes:). If  it's easy, it doesn't bring change. If it doesn't push you, you don't become stronger. If it doesn't require all of you, you won't get all you want out of it. So while others' missions may not be a trial in their life, because mine has been, it has made me stronger--it has made me better, more like Him, more like the person I want to be.

This journey I took, was a journey I took with Him. It was a walk with my Savior.

"You let [the missionaries] know that when they struggle, when they are rejected, when they are spit upon and cast out and made a hiss and a byword. They are standing shoulder to shoulder with the best life this world has ever known. The only pure and perfect missionary that ever lived. They have every reason to stand tall and to be grateful that the Savior and Redeemer of the world knows all about their sorrows and their afflictions. And that for a moment or two in their lives, they will understand what He went through for them" (Elder Jeffery R Holland).

I understand. I understand it now. My mission has opened my eyes in more ways than I will ever be able to count. But most importantly, it has opened my eyes to my Savior. I see Him now clearer than I ever have before.

I know Him.

And I know He knows me. I have stood shoulder to shoulder with Him. I have worn His name over my heart, literally, for 18 months. I have been His witness. And He has been my constant companion through it all. He has never left me unaided. He has strengthened, comforted, guided, sustained, nurtured, blessed, and loved me. He was ALWAYS there for me. And I am FILLED with gratitude that He chose ME to represent Him for this time of my life.

2. His grace is sufficient. As a missionary, I now more fully understand how "His grace is sufficient" as I look back on my mission and wonder if I did enough, if I was as perfect as I should have been, if I worked as hard as I could have, if I made enough of a difference.

It is SO easy to doubt yourself as a missionary, to be frustrated with your weaknesses, to compare yourself to others and feel like you'll never measure up, and to become discouraged because it never seems to be enough. However, I have come to realize the power of grace, in addition to my own shortcomings and weaknesses.....and it all comes out even in the end...because of Christ's Atonement.

It's true, my efforts have never been and will never be enough. I'll be totally honest: my mission has not been perfect. I could have talked to more people. I could have been more exactly obedient. I could have done more. I could have improved more. I could have been more....everything. But I tried. And what I've learned about grace is this: my efforts will never be enough, but with the Savior and His power and love.....all of my efforts will be magnified and He accepts EVERY effort that I make. Yes, I have not been perfect on my mission, but because I tried, I have become more perfect--more like Him.

I also learned that I had to let go and ALLOW grace into my life. It's not just there to fill the gap--it IS the gap. It is the gap that I will never be able to fill. I'm not left alone to do my part, and then hope that He'll make up for the rest. No, rather, He's already done His part, and mine. All He asks is that I show appreciation for that gift, and live my life "grace by grace," doing my best, but realizing that I will never be enough.

And that's ok!

He knows that, he knows that perfectly. But all He wants for me is to TRY, so that I can become like Him. And it's not intended to be a painful and depressing process. Becoming like the Savior should be a glorious experience, as long as we rely FULLY on His grace to make more of us than we can without it!

It has transformed me. It makes my sacrifice acceptable before Him, not because of my own efforts or strength, but because of my own change of heart and mind, THROUGH Him. Grace magnifies me. It has magnified what small difference I have tried to make.

A professor once told me, "Mercy is NOT receiving what we DO deserve. Grace is receiving what we DON'T deserve." I didn't deserve to be as personally rewarded and blessed for my efforts on my mission. I didn't deserve to see the miracles I've seen. I didn't deserve to have the power and gifts given to me that He gave. I didn't deserve to be forgiven and made new again. I didn't deserve to receive his constant help and love. Honestly, none of us deserve anything in return. But yet, He gives, and He gives freely. His grace is there to fill the entire gap.

Grace has made me who I am today. It has made my offering of this mission acceptable to Him. I have come to know the power of grace to make up for my weaknesses and shortcomings, my imperfections and my sins. And I am filled with awe and gratitude at the fact that I was able to show appreciation for His Atonement and love by laboring in His vineyard. I am SO blessed!

3. Let Him change you. People told me before I came out on my mission, "You'll change so much on the mission" and I remember thinking, "I sure hope not." I was comfortable with who I was. I didn't want to change for anything or anyone.

I had that textbook image of sister missionaries flash through my mind when they said "change"……y'know, the long dark skirts to the floor, nun buns, arms folded around the scriptures, and barely talking above a whisper, breaking into emotional tears when speaking about anything remotely spiritual.......yea, not my thing.

I came out, determined not to change like that. But God had a different idea. He wanted me to change in a much more important way. And honestly, if all the success of my mission were to be taken away, my mission would still be worth it because of the person I've become---how I've changed--through my mission experience. That change--that blessing--is truly what fills me with gratitude, now that I come to the close of my mission.

It wasn't always easy. There were times when I thought, "Why are you doing this to me??" At times, I questioned, I pled, I begged, and doubted, and I suffered. I learned that I had to LET Him change me. And it was the kind of change that was much more important than how I looked or what I wore.

I had to put myself into His hands, knowing that He would mold and shape me into a more beautiful and perfect person than I could make of myself. And when I did, He did.

At first, I thought He was trying to break me.

No, He was enhancing me.

I thought He was trying to tame me.

No, He was trying to liberate me.

I thought He was trying to burden me.

No, He was empowering me.

It took time for me to realize. But now, as I reach the end of my mission, I realize that He has not only endowed me with new life and new capacities, but those capacities were not meant just to bless others on my mission--they will continue to bless me throughout my ENTIRE life and beyond into the eternities.  

>>>>>>>>> <<<<<<<<<<<

{Ok….so if you’ve actually made it to this point…..you deserve MAJOR brownie points, because…that was a lot:) Welcome to my life.....}

>>>>>>>>>>>>> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Ok....so to wrap up...

 AH!!! I can't even describe how full my heart is! I am overwhelmed with gratitude to my Savior for choosing me--little insignificant ME--to walk with Him for these past 18 months. He chose me to have this experience, to learn these priceless truths, to develop these talents and abilities, to learn these significant lessons, and to do these incredible things!

I am SO blessed!!

 And I am FILLED with gratitude to my Heavenly Father and Savior for this mission of mine. It has been MINE!! He has allowed ME to serve Him full-time for a year and a half and He has been there with me, the entire time! How am I so blessed?! I don't even want to know where I would be now, or in 10 years, or in 50 years, or in a lifetime from now without my mission! I have learned and gained SO much from these past 18 months.....and I wouldn't trade that for the world!

All I can think of is Ammon's words, "Let us glory, yea, we will glory in the Lord; yea, we will rejoice, for OUR JOY IS FULL; yea, we will praise our God forever. Behold, I say unto you, I cannot say the smallest part which I feel!" (Alma 26:16)

(Yea, I just went there….quoting scripture…haha oh well…what can I say:)

Really, though I can’t fully describe everything that’s in my heart, I hope something here….something I’ve said along the way….has helped YOU. You specifically. Wherever you may be, and whatever circumstance you’re in.

That’s what I hoped to accomplish through this blog…through sharing my experiences the whole way through it all. So, thank YOU!! Thank you for following along with me in this adventure!

It HAS been an adventure and I’m pretty confident that there will be more to come:)!!

And last, but not least….

I KNOW that this gospel is TRUE. I know it with ALL. MY. HEART.

I have lived it, and it has been worth it. 

I KNOW my Savior lives.

I know He knows me, and He knows YOU.

He is there to love, to lift, and to heal.

His atonement is REAL.

The Book of Mormon is SO TRUE.

 I KNOW there are messages within that book that are meant just for you.

Prophets are called of God today.

Miracles happen.

This is His work.

We are His glory.

Living this gospel is HAPPINESS.

It is peace, and it is HOPE.

I’m proud to say I am a member of this church.

I’m proud to say I am a full-time missionary for HIM.

I am proud to say that HE is MY SAVIOR.

I love Him with all my heart. For this past year and a half, I’ve testified of that, and

 I will continue to do so for the rest of my life!

ONWARD AND UPWARD!!!

Sister Anna Parker